it is too easy to be consumed by security. it’s a nice thing you know? nothing truly wrong with it… that is if the security is from God. and that’s definitely not where mine was.
my thoughts are still running around the whole idea of my future plans. each step is so fragile, so it seems. i’m a management major. why? because i like seeing the big picture. because i like to direct and lead. because i know i have what it takes to make a comfortable and efficient working environment. because i communicate well. it’s not really specialized. the more i talk about it, the more i’m just describing simple personality traits. they’re simple aren’t they? not really anything special. so i’m often questioned, “what are you doing with a management degree? you don’t need a management degree to be a manager.” yes i know this. but everything else isn’t appealing. not appealing at all. it doesn’t have a grasp on me nor does it stir any further interest.
i want to manage my own ngo someday. it will be faith-based. it will help someone. they will sense God’s love. so other people’s common advice is to look to a more specialized major. just so i can go into a job and have some real experience. you know, big job to desired job is easier. more credibility. but it will all be worthless if it’s not contributing to what God has already placed on my heart. what’s the point of me going to work for some firm doing xyz if it has absolutely no relation to abc? just so i can feel better about myself? just so i can say that i did xyz? granted, i will have some sort of contributing experience. if that’s the case, then AWESOME. it will all be a part of the plan. but if not, why am i wasting my time, more importantly, God’s time?
the idea is to not just gain some experience through the standards, but to trust in God to provide so that He can connect the dots. because He is and will always be the ultimate provider. you know, i only succeed because of Him and so this shouldn’t be any different. so what i’m saying is to not settle. to not settle for what may be worldly security, but to consistently seek out God’s plans so that He may be glorified and try my best to be obedient. this is just so generally put. but even the simplest things bring so much clarity to me.
in the end, i can say that it was none of my doing; i was only a servant. all honor and glory belongs to the One.
tonight i was talking to samuel. one of the fellas i met at milan bible church. he’s a founder of a faith-based ngo in ethiopia that is aimed at helping those who are suffering with aids. he left that ngo to get his mba because he realized that he needed business principles to successfully manage these organizations that seemed to be growing at an exponential rate. and so i asked, what is it that you need? what are the technicalities? what’s missing? and i just realized my questions were so… specific. as if each ngo had the same exact problem. as if the ngo that i was going to manage in x amount of years will be exactly like his. and it just seemed as if i was trusting so much in myself to do all the work. thank god, samuel reminded me: “well if it’s not what God’s placing on your heart, then don’t do it. you know, God is the ultimate provider. it’s because we were so prayerful that this organization grew the way it did. it’s because God led me to get me this mba that i am doing so.” and i truly just had forgotten all about God’s providence.
peace peace peace, security. it’s so good.
